CID TO THE KNEE. (Sydney… for those who didn’t work that out).

The first stop on the big adventure. You really don’t get much bigger than Sydney when it comes to cities. ranking in at one of the top 5 in the world for size. it was intimidating if i’m honest. All those tall buildings looming over you, breathing down your neck.  I couldn’t help but think ‘what if someone dropped a penny of the top of one of those. That would be it. dead. if it got you in the head.’ Then i come to my senses. They use cent’s not pennies over here. I would be fine. Australian Currency is weaker than British.

Jet lagged to the max we made our way to our hostel. my first time staying in shared accommodation with strangers. I’d like to say I was excited, anxious and eager to meet these people everyone says ‘you will become friends for life with’. Alas, all I wanted to do was sleep. Which when you finally get to the hostel at 11am is a tough ask. Zing backpackers. It was a little out of the centre but not to far. The place itself seemed pretty chill, outdoor eating areas, communal living room and every room seemed to come with a complimentary welsh drug dealer.

Our dorm was not bad, a tight space crammed with bunk beds and rucksacks smelling of both feet and weed. the dim lighting seemed to an an ambience that said ‘Sexual assault ‘ rather than ‘retro hostel’.  A few days later A German teenager called max would also add a lot of vomit across the room as decoration.

Needless to say after pleasantries were exchanged, the typical ” How are you? , where are you from?, how long have you been here?, what are your plans?” with every single person you meet, pretending to be interested in what they had to say whilst your body is screaming GO TO FUCKING SLEEP. We finally made it to bed. well, nap time.

I was awoken 4 hours later to a welsh man waking me as he entered the room- to eagerly tell me that Braveheart was on. Due to my being Scottish he thought it a sign and that all Scottish people would leap to their feet to embark on a 3 hour slaughter fest that is a very loose imagining of Scottish history. I was not leaping to my feet.

The first week was the humdrum of typical tourist things. The opera house, The bridge, The harbour, The crack heads screaming at people in the street. We managed to  forge a group of  newbies like us. They consisted of a few Germans and an American girl. All female. needless to say I was demoted to photographer for most pictures like this.

The trick to get people to stop asking you to take photos is by being terrible at them.

We took a cheeky visit to the wax works  at madame Tussauds. Went full tourist. pictures with everything. After that we went to see our first ever kangaroo at some kinda mini zoo thing next door, not really sure what was going on. It was like they decided they had this building and thought to themselves ” Well just put a load of bloody animals in here mate.” and so they did. For our viewing entertainment and to answer the age old question posed by Russell Crowe in Gladiator. Yes. Yes we were entertained. Although I  Spotted three frogs trying to reenact the human centipede, which I’m pretty sure they were not old enough to have watched.


I also tried my hand at being lady GaGa. To be honest I don’t even think you can tell the difference.

(This was not at the Zoo but at madam Tussauds, Lady GaGa is not an exotic animal.)

All in all it was a satisfying experience and no one tried to murder us or steal our things. Apart from the seagulls. Those bastards will still try and steal your lunch even down under. Some things never change.

Next up was Bondi Beach, but that’s for next time.

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